Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There r osticjed everywhere
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
