I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
