I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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