My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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