sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
