waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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