my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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