You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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