your thong is hanging out like whoa
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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