If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
