I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
