Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
