I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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