Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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