If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
