One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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