That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
