Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
whose parrot is this?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
