it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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