we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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