Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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