Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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