My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
