I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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