Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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