Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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