Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
