The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
