Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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