She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
