Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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