Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
