I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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