It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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