all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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