The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
