OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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