Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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