Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
