If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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