I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
do herpes really smell.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
