Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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