Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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