"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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