he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
