It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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