Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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