nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
