lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
