Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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