I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
