is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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