i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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