I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
