uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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