the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
